Is this an oxymoron?  No!  it's a matter of perception.  However, a couple of decades ago my definition of alcoholism was much different from Webster's.

The average alcoholic is in his or her forties with a job and family.  On-the-job absenteeism is the major consequence of the drinking and this is masked or justified in numerous ways.  Alcoholism if the best kept 'secret'.

Love and peace,

Docpete, the imperfect therapist

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This is not new.  The disease of addiction is 'equal opportunity' and can affect anyone with the addictive genes...  Pilots, doctors, lawyers, clerks, bank owners, presidents, chefs... do not want to act in a manner that is harmful.  It comes with the territory of addiction.  That is why we can 'wake up' the addict/alcoholic if we use our power of love and communication to let them know that we care, are being harmed (be specific) and that we have to take care of ourselves (set boundaries).  Make a decision to "Just Say Something".  More on my Ipod.

Love and peace,

Docpete, the imperfect therapist

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Last night we watched the first half of the off-broadway play, The Story of Bill W.   It was a great experience to sit with others who has been rescued from this awful disease.  I choked up when Bill and Bob were dramatazing about their awful feelings about their addiction.  The actors protrayal of alcoholism was real and true-to-life as I've ever seen.  Hats off to our narrator and director, Henry.  Not too many hats though.  We want to keep him 'right-sized.' hehehehehehe!!!

Love and peace,

Docpete, the imperfect therapist

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If you are concerned about the intervention, get help. 

However, 'Just Say Something.'  Say it after investigating the "ins and outs" of an intervention.  Read, rehearse, recite the script.

On the other hand, if you are a very confident person who is well respected and perhaps invited to talk about the drinking or drug abuse, just say something from the heart, with caring and firmly.

If you are overly afraid or angry or feel guilty, see paragraph 1 (above).

Love and peace,

Docpete, the imperfect therapist

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Did you ever go out to the bar and say you were going to have just one and, 'you know the rest of the story...'

Love and peace,

Docpete, the imperfect therapist

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Alcoholics and addicts have a different reality.  The self-deception as well as other defenses (denial, minimization and justification) allow them to annihilate themselves without acknowledging this reality. When sober, it takes quite a while to recover and come to terms with reality.  It takes time and much stepwork.

Love and peace,

Docpete, the imperfect therapist

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ADDICTION IS A PRIMARY DISEASE.  WE DON'T GET SOBER UNTIL WE STOP DRINKING.  GgETTING OUR STOMACHS CUT OUT AND BLAMING OUR DRINKING EPISODES ON BAD LUCK AND STILL DRINKING IS NOT A WAY TO GET SOBER. IF ONE IS TO GET SOBER HE OR SHE MUST NOT DRINK AND LEARN TO BE HONEST,  AMEND OUR FAULTY BEHAVIOR AND HELP OTHERS WITHOUT TELLING EVERYONE.

LOVE AND PEACE,

DOCPETE, THE IMPERFECT THERAPIST

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Relapse is relapse!  When we get sober, we must "burn in" the idea that we cannot drink or drug, no matter what.  We are powerless.  This means that we did it for years when it was not in our best interests.  We can't do it safely and predictably anymore.  This powerlessness can be seen in the unmanageable behaviors we created because we kept drinking and/or drugging after it became a habit that we could not stop.  The problems were seen in poor job performance (ask your boss or co-workers), failed relationships, divorces, fights, jail time, poor health or worse.  It can also be seen in smaller or lesser instances such as taking out the garbage beer cans or liquor bottles to the trash station or curb with that guilty feeling that disappears after you walk back to the house.  It can be seen in lesser examples such as poor sports skills, lessening motor coordination and hand-eye coordination, that tired feeling, morning hangovers, headaches, not looking people in the eyes when we talk to them, becoming the "death of the party".  The powerlessness and unmanageability must be seen.  Write the problems you have (had) with drinking and/or drugging.  Ask for the first step to be covered at a meeting in order to see other's bottoms.  Get this one burned in at a deep level.  If we could use safely, we probably still would be using. 

Next, in order to keep up your recovery, use my thinking.  My thinking is that, if I go (and I do) to meetings daily, I work better, I love better, I feel better, I make more money, I like myself, you like me...  It is just logical.  Whe w e take care of ourselves by going to meeting regularly and helping self and others, getting our messages of recovery and a peaceful spirit on a regular basis, we are insuring against a "slip" and also protecting our recovery.  We are practicing what works.  We are not thinking about how we can manage things.  We are turning the problems of the world over to our New Manager.

Relapse is all about the first step.  We must know and care that we are going to fall without our program and fellowship.

Love and peace,

Docpete, the imperfect therapist

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We can apply any life situation to a step; i.e., we can "turn it over', admit the truth or our powerlessness at any time, make amends when we goof up, pray for them or us, talk to someone about the feeling (resentment or fear...), seek a Higher Power, see the unmanageability and detach... We can learn this with constant, consistent contact with our 12 step life.  What a contrast from dying of drug and/or alcohol addiction/exposure.

Love and peace,

Docpete, the imperfect therapist

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The addict/alcoholic, when challenged, will find a flaw in the challenge and argue that s/he does not do that.  So, when it is pointed out that s/he went out last night from work and spent all of the money in the bar, was with another lover, threw up on the front porch and slept on the doorstep, had blood on his/her jacket and urine on the shoes will argue that s/he did not go to the bar from work.  He or she will be absolutely convinced that they are right in their thinking.  Then they will find a reason to blame you for something or "scapegoat" one of the kids or divert to another subject. 

Do you rewlaly want to live like this?

Love and peace,

Docpete, the imperfect therapist

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